Exploring Queer Identity in Final Fantasy XIV

Final Fantasy XIV is kind of a gay game. When you log into FFXIV, you find a huge base of queer players as well as LGBTQ free companies and events. As a queer person who avoids a lot of online gaming communities due to toxicity, I was pleasantly surprised. However, as I continued to explore the world with my Warrior of Light, the pieces started to fall into place. FFXIV being a queer experience made sense to me. 

Scattered throughout Eorzea, there are pleasantly queer-coded characters and relationships built into the story. Beyond that, on a personal level, I felt evermore connected to my character. The anonymity of the game as well as the options for self-exploration provided a space to learn about my own gender. 

I remember first booting up FFXIV and creating my character. Though the gender options exist on a rigid male/female binary, the options within those genders are varied. Did I want to be a towering and strong muscled fellow or a dexterous and mysterious cat? I easily spent hours playing on the character creation screen. When I was Eorzea, my gender presentation was not restricted by costly clothing or body modifications. 

As an agender person who was born assigned-female-at-birth and presents “femme” (whatever that means when one starts deconstructing gender), I very rarely feel like other’s perception of me exists outside of the binary. My childhood was often filled with stuffed animals and encouragement to engage with safe hobbies – reading, tea parties, and more. During my childhood, I never got to experience the thrill of adventurous camping with the boys or contact sports. My heart cannot help but feel heavy when I think of a boyhood I never got to experience. I yearn for it. 

So, perhaps it should not have been a surprise when I found myself absolutely charmed by the diminutive and childlike race of lalafells. My lalafell character was created with a unique boyish charm in mind; speckles of dirt and a ponytail of wild green hair became his signature look. Boba Frog was born. 

Traveling throughout Eorzea, through Boba, my heart would surge with joy at every he or him or they or them I received in reference to myself. Never in my day-to-day had my appearance, lacking any apparent gender ambiguity to the masses, caused so many folks to consider the pronouns they were using for me. 

Was this the gender euphoria I had heard so many other queer folks talk about? 

Despite being painfully shy and anxious in the real world, Boba felt equipped and confident to approach people freely. We joked in dungeons, played pranks on fellow PCs, and had good laughs all around. For the first time in my life, I was able to experience the mischievous boyhood I never had. On top of all that, my boyish charm and wit were all crucial keystones in my journey to save all of Eorzea. During a time where COVID left much of my life in malaise and shambles, making space to become Boba became a source of joy.

Boba was never married to the gender binary. As the clothing options in FFXIV are varied, so was Boba’s clothing options. On some days, he would go dungeoneering in his Sailor Moon cosplay and on other days he’d approach enemies dressed as a rugged cowboy. Despite being able to dip my toes into this boyish experience, I never felt that I was chained to the expectations and norms of cis, male gender presentation. Of course, I loved it. 

Outside of the game, I became increasingly comfortable with both my gender presentation and how I spoke with people. Very rarely did I sigh and long for a childhood no longer accessible to me, for I could also transport myself into the shoes of Boba to experience the idealized “other side” of oft I dreamed. For the first time ever, I felt more comfortable reminding people that yes, indeed, they could also use they or them to refer to me. 

For one of the first times in my life, I was able to experience gender euphoria as a non-binary person. Yet, I couldn’t help but wonder – how did a game with only subtle nods to queer representation become such a haven for me? 

To unpack that thought, it’s important to look at FFXIV as a whole. There are very few canon couples built into the story at all. And, for many that are, it’s very much a “blink and you miss it” situation, where you might easily miss it if you don’t speak to certain NPCs or do certain side quests. Naturally, I was  pleasantly surprised by the presence of a very clearly queer-coded narrative. When I finally decided to advance as a carpenter, my Warrior of Light met Beatin. 

Beatin is a high-strung master carpenter who takes your player on as an apprentice. As I worked my way through his storyline, something caught my attention. Much of the quest line involves making weapons for the captain of the guard, Gairhard. As it progresses, you learn that the two are “dear friends,” with Gairhard still wielding the same bow Beatin had made for him years ago. The carpenter, full of anxiety about the dangers Gairhard will encounter, shares many of his worries with you. 

This leads to great strife between the two men. Beatin insists Gairhard update his weapon. However, Gairhard will not part with his dearest weapon, crafted by his dearest friend. Eventually, while Gairhard is on a mission, Beatin receives news that Gairhard has died. The carpenter flies into a rage, destroying everything within sight. Eventually, you find Gairhard, alive, in the knick of time and hand him a new bow. Gairhard used the bow Beatin had made him until it broke; the memento was his most prized possession.

Though some folks will write this off as a deep friendship, as a queer person, this story resonates with me. It almost feels silly to be so bemused by the queer coding of an easily missable side quest in a world full of explicitly queer characters, but I delighted in it. 

When Beatin speaks of Gairhard, his words are full of affection and every “dear friend” feels like a wink and nod when accompanied with an impassioned talk about Beatin speaks of how this friend helped him when his inspiration failed him. Despite taking commissions from Gairhard, due to their busy schedules, the two men never get to see each other. However while speaking with both of them, the player learns that the two are intimately familiar with one another, affectionately speaking on one another’s old habits such as when Gairhard has you delivery Beatin a piece of quality lumber when delivering bad news because the carpenter is “always more passionate about his work than anything else.”

At the beginning of one quest where you are working on a Gairhard commission, Beatin slyly exclaims that if he didn’t know better he’d “say [Gairhard] was smitten with you.” The phrase, easily written off as a slight of phrase, felt a bit more poignant for someone who has spent such a long time looking at and for queer subtext. Is there, perhaps, someone who Beatin knows Gairhard is smitten with? 

Later in that same quest, Gairhard reminises on his youth with Beatin, who was a young initiate while he was an aspiring soldier. The affection in his words are emphasized even further when he tells you that he will use the Beatin’s bow “til the day he dies.” Fondness punctuates the dialogue these two have for each other.

Eventually, the two quarrel about the state of the bow and if it is fit to use. After the fight, Gairhard leaves on his latest mission after telling you that the fight was as if “nothing had changed”, hinting at a past together. When you inform Beatin of the departure he sighs to himself that “once again, [Gairhard], fails to deliver his farewells in person.” There is a shared history between them.

Even one of the quests is called, “Growing Apart,” a phrase that conjures up images of a couple’s discovery that there is emotional distance between them. Without even picking away at too much subtext, their relationship feels like the care and love of two former partners.It doesn’t quite read as purely platonic. Though their love is never explicitly spelled out for the players, it is present and queer. Beyond that, relationships between men and women are also rarely spelled out in FFXIV, which helps Beatin and Gairhard’s relationship feel a little less like queerbaiting and more like queer representation for the discerning eye. 

Mix in casually queer NPCs, flamboyant NPCs, same-gender wedding options, and increasingly fewer gender-locked clothing items makes FFXIV a perfect foundation for a welcoming community. Occasionally the game falls short, with some gender locked titles and clothing items. Even though it is a Ghostbuster’s reference, having a “male” unlockable title be called “Keymaster” and a “female” unlockable title be called “Gatekeeper” felt kind of weird to me. 

That said, for me, the euphoria present in FFXIV outweighs the areas where it falls short. It seems that others feel the same way based on how many LGBTQ roleplaying spots and free companies I’ve come across. On an average Friday or Saturday night, you can easily find a handful of roleplay venues that exist explicitly as safe-spaces for LGBTQ players. It is easily the most outspoken queer player base of any game I’ve previously played. 

As the last expansion of FFXIV quickly approaches, my love and affection for the game continues to grow. From the charming queer characters to the supportive community, I am grateful for the first glimmer of euphoria I have ever felt as an agender person. Who knows what gender-bending adventures Boba Frog will get up to next?