Pokémon Appétit

Whether or not people in the Pokémon universe eat their pocket monster pals is no longer up for debate; we have plenty of hard evidence that they do. But which ones would be the best to eat? Here are the top ten most delicious Pokemon in the series according to Monti:

10. Gengar

Gengar tastes exactly like what he’s shaped like:

He is a yummy grape gumball, specifically from the quarter machines you find at your local laundromats. No doubt in my mind he would taste like anything else.

9. Goldeen

Who wouldn’t fuck with Goldeen sashimi?

Like, c’mon?

8. Diglett

You have fried Diglett, and you wonder what it tastes like. It’s familiar to you, but you just don’t know what it is. You think hard to know what this taste can be. I have your answer:

It’s pork cutlet.

7. Onix

Now, you are probably wondering why Onix is on here. What could possibly make this crunchy motherfucker delicious?

Rock candy is just Onix on a stick.

6. Farfetch’d

Hmmmmmmmm??? He comes with his own garnishings???

HMMMMMM?????????

5. Electrode

When I was six years old, I had a nightmare about electrode being mean to me. To assert dominance, I ate electrode.

And they tasted like a gumball, but this time, they’re the ones you get from the quarter machines at the mall, after you begged your mom for a coin for a solid 30 minutes and annoyed the living hell out of her.

4. Ho-Oh

A problematic fave. People tend to hate you if you say you would eat the chicken God.

However, all the hate is OH so worth it.

3. Deoxys

Oh, spaghetti hands?

Yes, spaghetti hands.

2. Mr. Mime

Everyone is always wondering Spam actually is. The meat here is no mystery.

It’s just Mr. Mime.

Monti’s most delicious Pokemon comes as no surprise:

1. Lucario

He’s not just a snack, here he is looking like a whole five star meal.